How many times has this happened to you?
You reach into the oven for that sheet of cookies or bubbling baked pasta, accidentally touch the side of the pan and, in reaction, knock your hand, fingers, arm against the hot rack or broiler element? This form of searing is one of my cooking specialties (along with my knack for burning oven mitts and mats); I performed this little trick no less than three times last night, then once again this morning when pulling a slice of soda bread from the toaster oven.
In light of my blunders (this is but one of the many encountered at Chez Saulsbury on a daily basis), I offer a few of my preferred euphemistic expletives—they are far more fun, and infinitely more satisfying and civilized than the real thing.
And unless you operate with the perfection of Martha Stewart (and I suspect she would enjoy them, too—or, at least, her staff), I consider them essential for the home cook’s (especially this home cook’s) pantry of prose. Enjoy, and please post other favorites!
A Quick Guide to Camilla’s Kitchen Curses
Preferred expletives:
Whoops-a-daisy!
Crippens!
Crumbs!
Crikey!
You reach into the oven for that sheet of cookies or bubbling baked pasta, accidentally touch the side of the pan and, in reaction, knock your hand, fingers, arm against the hot rack or broiler element? This form of searing is one of my cooking specialties (along with my knack for burning oven mitts and mats); I performed this little trick no less than three times last night, then once again this morning when pulling a slice of soda bread from the toaster oven.
In light of my blunders (this is but one of the many encountered at Chez Saulsbury on a daily basis), I offer a few of my preferred euphemistic expletives—they are far more fun, and infinitely more satisfying and civilized than the real thing.
And unless you operate with the perfection of Martha Stewart (and I suspect she would enjoy them, too—or, at least, her staff), I consider them essential for the home cook’s (especially this home cook’s) pantry of prose. Enjoy, and please post other favorites!
A Quick Guide to Camilla’s Kitchen Curses
Preferred expletives:
Whoops-a-daisy!
Crippens!
Crumbs!
Crikey!
Dagnabbit!
Fudge!
Phooey!
Sugar!
Flaming Norah!
Flippin' heck!
Jiminy Crickets! (this was the favorite of my first boyfriend’s mother)
Essential, multi-purpose adjective:
Cockamamy (as in “this cockammamy toaster oven!!!")
A few (mildly) more innocent curses:
By Jove
By George
By tarnation
The above are ideal for the disappearance of essential cookware at the exact time of need (as in “By Jove, where is that garlic press!!!” and “By tarnation, where did you hide the 8-inch square baking pan, [*fill in name of significant other and/or roommate here*]!!!”
And finally, a few words of cheer for when the cake rises, the Jell-o sets, and the pasta is a perfect al dente:
Tally-ho! (one of my grandfather’s favorites)
Chocs away!
Toodle pip! (how can anyone resist toodle pip?!)
I say!
Fudge!
Phooey!
Sugar!
Flaming Norah!
Flippin' heck!
Jiminy Crickets! (this was the favorite of my first boyfriend’s mother)
Essential, multi-purpose adjective:
Cockamamy (as in “this cockammamy toaster oven!!!")
A few (mildly) more innocent curses:
By Jove
By George
By tarnation
The above are ideal for the disappearance of essential cookware at the exact time of need (as in “By Jove, where is that garlic press!!!” and “By tarnation, where did you hide the 8-inch square baking pan, [*fill in name of significant other and/or roommate here*]!!!”
And finally, a few words of cheer for when the cake rises, the Jell-o sets, and the pasta is a perfect al dente:
Tally-ho! (one of my grandfather’s favorites)
Chocs away!
Toodle pip! (how can anyone resist toodle pip?!)
I say!
6 comments:
LOL Camilla! I love all of them. We all have kitchen disasters, I'm going to start using some of your kitchen favorites! Too funny!
Hi Camilla,
I sent you an email, don't worry about answering until you have time, but I just wanted to make sure you got it :)
Thanks!
I have oven mitts that look like that! And I need to replace some of my expletives with some of yours!
Hi Camilla--I keep meaning to write and tell you that I love your blog and I am just waiting to hear that you have won some kind of blog award. I am Erin Mylroie's sister and we both are so impressed by you. I appreciate your down to earth approach to eating healthy. I tried your Lara bars and thought yours were better than the packaged, and I loved your last blog with your classy-cursing. It has been an inspiration for future kitchen complications. Keep up the good work! Your new fan, Heidi Brisco
Hahaha, I definitely use "dagnabit" and my own version of "tally ho," which would be "rally ho."
But I still swear like a sailor, sadly. I just keep trying to *not*.
Hi Jenny, Tracy, Courtney, Heidi and Michelle!
Glad to be spreading my curses across the land :). Hee hee.
I will definitely add dagnabit, Courtney! Love it!
And Heidi...you made my day, my week, my month. I am so flatetred to hear that you've been enjoying the blog--and that you liked the Lara bars so much! You've spurred me on to keep plugging away. Cheers and much affection...Camilla
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